Episode 5: "Life Is What You Make It"

SPOON soundtrack!

Gabe: They had some really good music on this show.

Will laughs.

Gabe: (defensively) They did! They had some really good...music...TV guys.

Martin: I feel like for the first time, the premises are all established and they're free to just RIFF.

FLASH POLL: Can Seth pull off the tank top?

Martin's Answer: What kind of tank top?

Gabe's Answer: No.

Martin's Second Answer: Are we talking wife beater, or what?

Will's Answer: Yeah. Maybe.

Martin's Third Answer: Physically, yes. But his character, I think, no.

Will and gabe: Yeah marissa! (she's on the beach in bikini)

Gabe farts.

Will: You're a guest in my house!

Gabe: I wouldn't do it in my house. Just smoosh your tits together!

Martin: Uh-oh, Ryan has met the rough and tumble waiter at the lobster shop. He's a bad influence.

Newport: Where things only appear to be casual.

Will: In this episode, the role of Marissa will be played by Brendan Fraser.

Sandy: Murder was the case that they gave me!

Jimmy: Sandy, that doesn't make any sense.

FLASH POLL: How hot is Julie Cooper right now?

Will's Response: Who's Julie Cooper?

Martin's Reponse: Her.

Will's Reponse: Her?

Martin's Reponse: She hasn't really caught fire yet.

Gabe's Response: 4. (Presumably on some sort of numbered scale, although one had not been decided on yet.)

MOTORCYCLE AND HIP HOP PARTY!!!!

Choice of "Let's Get It Started" by The Black-Eyed Peas for the wrong-side-of-the-tracks party not entirely convincing.

Martin: Oh, Kirsten, so sinewy!

Jimmy: I'll tell you... One good swing, and I love... this game!

Jimmy's telling Sandy how it is

Bitchy Will Comment: [Sandy's] hair is a little less greasy this episode!

Some slut to Luke: Um, excuse me? I got sand in my pussy. Can you fuck it out? (Martin)

Will: (From the kitchen) Anyone need anything?

Gabe: I could go for a panini.

Will: (dead serious) Did they kiss yet? (During the scene when Ryan and Marissa are drying off from their swim.)

Gabe: (dead serious) No, they haven't kissed yet.

Bitchy Gabe Comment: God, Julie, do you ever not wear sweatsuits?

Gabe: "Oops, I spilled beer all over..." Never mind, I'm not going to say it. (While Kirsten is drinking a beer.)

Will: Were you going to say "pussy"?

Gabe: No, I was going to say "MILF tits." I feel like live-blogging needs to be a safe place.

Martin: Yeah, but we shouldn't sensor ourselves.

Ep rating: 

Overall rating: 

Gabe: 8.2 out of 10 bagels

Martin: 8.1 out of 10 bagels

Will: 8.0 bagels

Luke rating:

10 out of 10 Lukes (dude got shot, give the man a break people)

Episode 4 - The Debut

There are some seriously negative vibes between Sandy and Jimmy this episode. And Sandy does NOT like negative vibes.

Martin: Oh, we're really in laid back mode now. This is good.

Martin: Look at those guns! (about Ryan)

Hey is for horses. And Kirsten.

Sandy: How much money did you lose?

Jimmy: It's not important.

Sandy: How did you lose it?

Jimmy: Look Sandy, the important thing is that I don't know what money is and I need YOU to teach me.

Bitchy Gabe Comment: Ugh, Seth, that is NOT a good look.

Everyone: Oh, I love her. (When Anna first appears.)

Bitchy Will Comment: God, they're both wearing so much makeup, it's fucking ridiculous. (When Ryan and Anna are dancing.)

Martin: Everyone's with the wrong person....(While watching the delicate social and romantic interplay of The O.C.)

Gabe: You guys know Mischa Barton is English? Kind of gives you a little more respect for her, right? ....A little.

BARBEQUTIONIST!

Gabe: No, it's Burgerqutionist!

Will: It's Barbequtionist. You're an idiot.

Gabe: "Honey, I need to borrow your young, tight pussy." - Julie to Marissa

Anna is going OFF on some graphic novel shit.

Will: She is a gift to us nerds.

Why did Marissa and Luke break up WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? 

Martin: This isn't our finest llove blog.... (Case in point)

Martin: At least I'm wearing a crown (Martin found a crown and put it on)

Martin: Marissa's got a coupla pokeys there! (Sees that Gabe is writing what he is saying down) Don't write that down!

We all agree that at this juncture Anna is sexier than Summer. Get it together, Summer.

This Cotillion is so real.

Jimmy: I love you, kiddo. (to Marissa)

Us: We love you, Jimmy (to Marissa)

Marissa: I love you, fellas (to Us)

Will: Martin, show some respect! It's the FUCKIN cotillion! It's once a year! (when martin doesn't clap at the end of cotillion)

Martin: Oh man, this is about to erupt into some bullshit.

Oh boy the jig is up for Jimmy.

Homeboy just punched Jimmy AND Sandy

Martin: Hachi Machi (to Ryan? I'm not really sure)

Will: Gabe, why are you looking up David Gray on Google?

Gabe: Shhhhh.

Martin: You gotta kind of feel bad for Marissa. She doesn't have any flesh to keep her warm, her emotions are kind of crazy... she's fucked.

Martin: Ziggy clig dig biggy dig dig rig

Ep rating: 

Overall rating: 

Gabe: 7.6 out of 10 bagels

Martin: 8.3 out of 10 bagels

Will: 9.2 bagels

Luke rating:

8.5 out of 10 Lukes (almost cries, looks like caveman at end)

Episode 3 - The Gamble

Ryan is back in juvie and hoo boy is he getting treated like a pretty little piece of meat.

Will: Oh my GOD! Fuckin' unbelievable! (apropos of nothing)

Martin: Ziggy Tig Lig Riggy Clig Lig (laughter)

SEMINAL MOMENT: First light-hearted morning kitchen banter with insane food spreads (who sets up all this food?)

Martin: Can you imagine being a grown man and having that [Sandy's hair] be your haircut?

Martin-Gabe Side Conversation: Martin- "So is Veronica Mars really good?" Gabe- "Yeah, it's really good."

Bitchy Gabe Comment: "God, Seth's attire is just 110% Urban Outfitters."

Bitchy/Horny Gabe Comment: "God, Summer's been wearing very little clothing the last two episodes. Oh, those tits."

Bitchy Martin Comment: "Oh, [Marissa's] tits look TERRIBLE"

Bitchy Will Comment: "Oh, Kirsten honey. Let's you and me go to the salon and get those split ends taken care of"

Bitchy Will Comment: "I didn't say that!"

PRISON FIGHT!!!!!

Will: I can't keep jerking off kids! (Sandy to Kirsten)

Martin: As you can see, this choker hugs my Adam's Apple nicely.

Martin has aptly pointed out that Ryan has added the "rock 'n' roll cuff" accessory to his chic bad boy look.

Martin: Oh, this oughta be good, this oughta be--oh, I thought he was gonna suck in the helium. (During the scene where Seth inflates balloons at Casino Night.)

Will: What's this called? A gambling party? (During the Casino Night scene.)

Will: "Hey, you guys mind if I grease my hair with this muffin?" -Sandy

Will: The problem with the live-blogging is that I get too into the show to live-blog.

Martin: Don't get me wrong, but I think we might be going a little too hard with the live-blogging.

Gabe: Or not hard enough.

Martin: You're right.

Gabe: Will, live-blog this exchange.

Bitchy Martin Comment: "Ugh, [Dawn's] makeup. She looks like a clown."

Jinx! Gabe and Will simultaneously made a joke about Peter Gallagher masturbating outside while Ryan and Dawn were having an emotional exchange.

Bitchy Martin Comment: God, Luke WOULD be playing the slots. (During the Casino Night scene.)

Gabe: Will, get your camera.

Will: No.

Gabe: C'mon, get your camera.

Will: In a little bit.

Bitchy Martin Comment: Ugh, clown woman is getting her drank on.

Bitchy Martin Comment: Ugh, the lower class. With their clown makeup. And their tripping. (When Dawn falls down.)

Editing inconsistency: Clown woman instantly wearing sun glasses.

clown woman: I'm a mess. Not a mother. 

Will as clown woman: Have you seen the way your husband looks at me?

Ryan to Kirsten: I need some new wife beaters and chokers!

Hot bagel! Hot bread! Get your hot bagel while it's hot!

Ep rating: 

Overall rating: 

Gabe: 9 out of 10 bagels

Martin: 7.7 out of 10 bagels (Martin: I just hate clown woman)

Will: 8.2 bagels

Luke rating:

3 out of 10 Lukes (Come on Luke, you're better than this)

The Model Home

Meat loaf incident of '98. Wish we could get a flashback.

We really want to sell piece of paper being lifted from other piece of paper. Superb sound editing.

Sandy has a contact at child services. That contact is Seth, unfortunately.

Seth is lobbying for Ryan to stay. You go sethafor.

Ryan, would you mind if we started calling you seth?

Oh, Tate Donovan.

Shot on location at Bakersfield. Tonight, the role of the OC will be played by...Bakersfield.

Ryan can't sleep, the thread count on the sheets is too high. Now Seth is here."Are you running away?"

Yes, what ABOUT child services.

Ryan, why so many layers if you leave them all unzipped. and whats the story with the choker? 

"its my immigrant grandfather's choker."

"Listen, I didn't even want to do this scene. It was McG's idea."

Tonight Marissa will be played by Christie Yamaguchi.

They always meet at the bottom of the driveway. Good place for the makeouts.

Ryan: "Do you usually drink that much?"

Marissa: "I usually gobble more cock"

Luke is at the EXACT SAME party that was in the first episode.

Just chillin' at an abandoned model home with some In 'n Out, talking about relationships.

Martin: Things are getting really awesome

Will: This is getting way too compelling to even live-blog

This scene is very poorly lit.

Wife beater + choker + highlights = ULTIMATE MAN

Will: There are so many scenes of [Ryan] just walking. And looking.

Martin: Ryan's flown the coop... get it?

Caitlin: I LOVE CHINA! SHE'S THE PRETTIEST PONY!!!!

Product Placement: Kiehl's Cucumber Moisturizer 

Martin: Oh, now we're getting introduced to the whole boardwalk scene! Classic shit.

Marissa's Model Home Mix Playlist:

1. Spin Doctors - Two Princes

2. New Radicals - Get What You Give

3. Spin Doctors - Two Princes

4. Spin Doctors - Two Princes

5. Spin Doctors - Two Princes

6. Spin Doctors - Two Princes

7. New Radicals - Get What You Give (live)

8. Phantom Planet - OC Theme Song

9. Peter Gallagher and the Surf Bums - Two Princes (cover)

10. Spin Doctors - Two Princes

Are they drinking Coca Cola or Guinness?

8 Mile reference alert!!!

Gabe: "If this model home is anything like your ass, then it's a fixer-upper." - Jimmy to Kirsten

Martin: Jimmy, how could you have a bad year with the market in 2004? [Ed. - 2003, not 2004]

Martin: Here we go with the Jeff Buckley.

Gabe: Gonna be an extensive yoga routine.

Marissa: Maybe I could spend the night. Just to hang out.

JUST TO HANG OUT? FUCK THAT BETCH

Gabe: God this shit is so real.

Will:  YOu cant even make jokes about this.

Ryan: Go. Please. Go!

Will: Ever since the Spanish civil war I've been impotent!

Martin: I know it's late, but I need you to transfer some money to my p*ssy.

Will: Why the fuck are we dressed up! I'm wearing a tie right now!

*Ryan and Luke brawling in Kirsten's housing development. Luke ends up saving Ryan*

Gabe: that's some nice CGI fire.

Gabe: Did she say "My tits were so swollen." ? Don't write that!

Gabe and Will: Marissa, there's something we need to tell you. We are Si-ya-mese if you please!

Will: Aw, wipe that shirt off your tits.

Gabe: Look at Peter Gallagher's pouty lips. So pouty!

Will: It's like Angelina Jolie.

OCFD officer: Look, it's Luke. Everyone loves him. My hands are tied. If you want to press charges, you'll be the town pariah.

OCPD to Seth: I hear you have some grea tcheat codes for playstation. What's your secret? Game Genie?

Seth: whoa whoa whoa, game genie? This is gonna take at least 3 episodes.

Ep rating: 

Overall rating: 

Gabe: 9.11 out of 10 bagels

Martin: 9.5 out of 10 bagels

Will: 9.1 bagels

Luke rating:

8.5 out of 10 Lukes (Note: Luke goes from heel to hero)

Opening thoughts (Episode 1)

Gabe: Get ready to have a big crush on Summer.

Martin: California, here we cum!

Will: Where does this show take place?

Ryan's older brother, Trey, is played by a different actor later in the series. That actor is Geoffrey Rush. If only.

Trey is looking at 3 to 5.

Truancy! 3 times! But 98th percentile with the SATs. That's good.

Will: "You're SAT scores are my ticket out of this town"

Martin: Sandy needs a shave.

Gabe: Look, we have all these extra bagels in the morning. Why don't you come live with us?

Gabe: Where I come from having a dream doesn't make you smart. It makes you asleep.

MEXICAN FOOD BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gabe: We should count how many come-hither glances there are in this episode.

Luke: "Welcome to the O.C., bitch!"

Martin: That was so cold. Summer now would never do that.

Will: "Oh, honey, you should have seen the waves come in! They were horrible! I almost died!"

Gabe: "I really need to learn how to surf!"

*Peter Gallagher gives Ryan his sideburns* "These things have been a curse to me since the day I started growing them"

Uh-oh, Ryan's house is cleaned out. Mom and asshole BF split. Sandy can't bear it. Back to the OC! Let's roll.

Parting shot: "Excellent Ep. Killer Ep."

Ep rating: 

Overall rating: 

Gabe: 8 out of 10 bagels

Martin: 9 out of 10 bagels

Will: 7.8 bagels

Luke rating:

10 out of 10 Lukes

One epsisode down! Many more to come... oh boy